The art of being "in-between"

Also, let's hang out on Zoom? 😁

Long time no “Assalamu alaykum dear friendsssss”!

I know… 🥹

I’ve missed writing to you.

This is maybe my 5th attempt at starting to write a Letter to you. I ended up not finishing up or sending the other 4 because the words just didn’t come together.

I think this is the one I’ll hit send on though. InshaAllah. Let’s see.

So… I found out I’m “in-between”.

The other day while I was doing my daughter’s hair, I had some random YT videos playing in the background, and one video led to another and another.

One of the videos I watched a.k.a. listened to, was this one about feeling behind in life 🤭 Anne-Laure, a neuroscientist and author, and Ali Abdaal, spoke about so many fascinating ideas that resonated deeply.

I got 3 main takeaways from the video and want to share them with you :) (plus an invitation at the end)

1. Time anxiety

Think of time anxiety as that nagging feeling of “time is running out and I’m not moving fast enough in life”.

UGH!

A lot of us feel this way on a daily basis.

We move through the day/week with lightning speed because there’s just so much to get through, so many goals to reach, and so many people/trends/vibes to keep up with. Again, UGH!

Imagine how freeing it would be to NOT feel like you’re running out of time.

A prompt I took away is “what would change in my life if I no longer feel like I’m in such a rush?”

The first things that came to mind when I heard the prompt were:

• homeschooling would feel more relaxed

• my relationship with the Qur’an would be more steady and consistent

• and — this third one was quite surprising — I’d be more open and vulnerable in my communication with my parents… because I wouldn’t constantly feel like I’m "behind" in their eyes, or like I’m disappointing them.

I still have a lot of pondering/reflecting to do on this prompt for sure but I’d love to know what comes up for you when you ask yourself: “what would change in my life if I no longer feel like I’m in such a rush?” (Let me know in the comments!)

2. Liminal spaces

The concept of “liminal space” is the main thing I took away from Anne because of how deeply it resonates with me.

Think of a liminal space as the doorway that’s in between who you used to be and who you are becoming.

(Gosh, something about this makes me tear up a bit.)

If you’re in a liminal space in your life right now, it may feel like you're standing in-between two places, or like, in between two states.

It’s that ‘neither here nor there’ feeling.

Ready for marriage but not yet married.

Ready to change your financial life but nothing’s happening.

Ready to start that business but it’s taking forever to ‘get there’.

It’s like you know where you want to go, but you’re just not there yet… and neither are you where you’ve always been.

It may feel weird, uncomfortable, and sometimes scary. Tiring, even.

You’re in-between.

Transitioning.

Shifting.

But not quite there yet.

A great example of this they shared is like when you’re traveling on an airplane. The airplane is a liminal space, because you're not where you came from, and also not where you're going… yet.

As humans, we sometimes struggle with the uncertainty that shows up in liminal spaces, in seasons, in transitions…

On the airplane, for example, we have two choices.

• We either panic because 1) we’re not the pilot so we have no control, AND we don’t know if the pilot will take us to that destination safely (or at all), AND “what if the pilot dozes off on duty?????”, AND…

• OR… we sit back and enjoy the ride, take advantage of the fact that we’re somewhat disconnected and unplugged from the rest of the world. We can journal in this time, make lots of du’a, bask in gratitude, or we can just… sleep. Right?

The thing is, our brains are wired for survival, and so any form of uncertainty feels a little too uncertain.

And then our survival instincts kick in, so we try to rush out of the discomfort as fast as possible: We want to either go back to safety i.e. what’s familiar, or we try to speed things up so we can reach the destination ASAP.

I’ve found myself in multiple liminal spaces, as I’m sure you have, and oooohhh boy is the uncertainty real!

One of my widest liminal spaces is in my career (lol).

When I was 22 I had an undergrad degree in accounting and a Master’s degree in accounting and finance.

Fancy! But honestly, I was miserable through the academic bits of my undergrad and masters. I wasn’t one of the smart ones and cried my way through most of my uni years, so there’s that.

Who cares though, right? Because according to society’s standards, I should have sucked it up and kept going on that career path after graduating.

But I couldn’t stand that path any longer. I simply couldn’t do it. And so I followed my own invisible script, hehe.

It sounds bold and maybe even rebellious when I say I followed my own script, and maybe it is… but at the same time, it’s been such a long and lonely journey of feeling the need to explain myself to everyone because I’m neither following the traditional path nor am I meeting society’s loooong lists of expectations.

I didn’t have it all figured out in those years. Still don’t.

And what I’ve learnt is it’s ok to not having everything figured out — this is a big part of liminal spaces.

This is the art of being in-between.

I haven’t arrived in a way that pleases society, and maybe I never will.

But wait, who even says we must arrive again??? And who is society again??? Who even set the rules?

My dear sister, listen… 💝

Maybe you’re in between jobs, friendships, or cities…

Maybe you’re knee-deep in motherhood and your big dreams don’t quite fit this season of your life…

Maybe you’re in that awkward stage where you’re outgrowing a lot of the people around you but can’t explain it just yet…

Wherever you are, it’s ok.

You are ok. You’re right where you need to be. What matters is that you keep putting one foot in front of the other while making sure your Taqwa game is on point.

Which brings me to my third main takeaway…

3. Tiny Experiments

Maybe the way forward isn’t a giant leap... maybe it’s a tiny, curious step.

When you're in a liminal space, it’s not always clear what you should do next.

Post-university Maryam was once upon a time SO confused about what to do with my life.

If I’m being honest, I still sometimes wonder what I’m doing with my life.

What I’m taking away is…

• get comfortable with the uncertainty

• stop thinking you must choose one single big hairy audacious thing and stick with it for the rest of your life for ever and ever

Instead, run tiny experiments.

A tiny experiment sounds like… “Let’s just see what happens if I try this thing for 12 weeks.”

I loved hearing Anne talk about Tiny Experiments (which is also the title of her book) because it’s something I’ve been doing myself for 3 or so years now!

Roughly every quarter, I do a life reset of sorts, where I figure out what’s working, what’s not working, and what (experiment) I want to focus on for the next 12 weeks.

I even built a whole online course around this idea called The 12 Week Du’a Challenge. It’s basically Tiny Experiments plus du’a!

Even though I’m taking a break from hosting the course right now… I’d like to extend an invitation to you.

Shall we hang out on Zoom?

Would you like to join me and other sisters to talk about liminal spaces (etc), and plan our next tiny experiment together inshaAllah?

Yes? Ok :)

Chit-Chat & Reset
Date: Sunday May 25th 2025
Time: 10am EST

No pressure.
No need to have it all figured out.
Just a safe, comfy space to talk and reflect together, inshaAllah.

Bring some snacks and your favorite drink!

P.S. To the beautiful sisters who kindly responded to my last Letter (before Ramadan), I am so sorry I haven’t responded yet. I did read every single word, as usual, and I will do my best to reply soon. InshaAllah. Thank you for your patience!